you got to me k- me? I mean "be"!

2020/07/04 4:01 AM (UTC -5) | tildearrow

what a terrible typo fest this whole stream of rage was!

well this is something unexpected, I know... and something I did not even want to f**king bring up on this website...

...
..well, yeah.

Leafy Plush, available to order and ship LATER THIS MONTH!

ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING MEEEE!!! why in the hell did you decide to transform that freaking thing into a plushie!
WHY DO YOU LOVE to ruin my life like nothing!

I am already overloaded with so many freaking things, like a Minecraft server, kwin-lowlatency, dealing with a relationship in where yeah my partner hurt me too much, hoping for the best, soundtracker, darmstadt, the pandemic... ugh...
why do you have

WHO thought it was a good idea to freaking put a face and limbs on a leaf! are they like drunk or something!!!!

I mean, I do not have any positive/negative opinions on it, I mean it's ok, you can do your thing and it is fine...
actually it would be kinda funny but yeah, you know the rest...

...but still, what in the world... really :<
I can't take this... I am pretty sure that my girlfriend will stop talking to me soon and stop loving me...
I am sure she may freaking marry a plushie and let that be it..

...like, why, Michael/Cary, why...
whyyy... why do you have to ruin my life like this!!!
I can't take it anymore, and me breaking up with my girlfriend would not fix anything but rather make me die...

also did you even read the source code of this page? since the day my girlfriend fucking killed me, I have added a big comment for a specific person... if you can even read it...

what else can I say now?! my life is likely to be ruined due to this, and you know what is going to happen?
yeah, no more tildearrow. what is the point anyway? you can just go fork kwin-lowlatency and stuff like that, like...
I am overloaded already... come on...

I just won't be able to take the upcoming influx of panic and anxiety...
I really will not be able to...

I am sure my girlfriend will go all "I love this so much" and to the point she would displace me completely to replace me with a toy...
...yeah... I am not telling you more...

I wish I could write more, but then I fear this page may get up the rankings (thankfully I doubt so) and eventually her handle be engraved on the stones of tildearrow's website...

my heart is racing so much to hold it anyway. I feel like I am having a panic attack.

...

you know I think I ruined my life myself...
I think I just did it all wrong...

...if I did not talk back in October, I AM PRETTY SURE THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE! I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE FUN!!
I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FREAKING WANDER AROUND THE MALL WITHOUT ANY LEAF CAUSING INTERFERENCE!

yeah she was cute and all, I do admit... and I still love her... but... what can I tell you when things have went down?
at least we did try our best to restore the thing during the week...

...but I don't know what is next! I DON'T KNOW HOW IS THE OTHER GUY GOING TO REACT! she told her that her mom "found out"... yeah, 'cuz she feels she will get in trouble if she tells him she has a boyfriend (me) already
but if that happens then the other guy is just toxic, ok? he got in her heart merely by pretending to commit suicide!
and yeah, it worked, and it hit me so hard that I was not even able to do anything...

...what is it? you want me to take medicine? really? :<

you know I play Pump it Up, right? so that means medicine would be a big fuck to GETTING UP AND DANCE MAN!!!

YEAH, WHY DON'T I JUST GET UP AND DANCE MAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!

but of course... it is impossible to do that now...
fucking pandemic that took away the lives of thousands of innocent people... who only wanted a chance to live...

....who invented this disease? it's getting on my nerves...

...
...
...

whatever, yeah I seem like I might be losing my mind, but yeah, that is because I am. I really am losing my mind here...

you know what I am going to do soon? I am just going to do a surprise... because what else? she of course does not want to say she has me, out of being nervous or just hiding me... I don't know
but then it allows for hitting my heart to no end, so I got to do it here!

so now you know I have a girlfriend, and you know who it is! do not even attempt anything! just listen and then not care too much!
I do NOT want more anxiety! let that be it!!!

...

this is why I paid for ProtonMail! because I need to prove them that they have saved me from the Google hell!
I hereby would love to thank the ProtonMail authors for existing, and having the incentive to make a safe haven...
one where I just can get mail and let that be it...
seriously, thank you... you are worth a lot...

...

...who made this show anyway? who made it! what were they thinking when they did it :<
i mean it is not a problem, yeah, it is kinda funny, but...
how come?
where the heck did you get the idea TO RUIN MY LIFE!!!

LIKE AS OF NOW! EVERYTHING *HAS* TO BE CENTERED AROUND YOU :l
like I mean... Christmas! Valentine's! really?
so we can't have a happy Valentine's anymore but instead it has to be around you?!?!

whatever, it's enough... sorry, yeah I lost my mind...

as of now I don't know how will I be... if I will be more depressed, or crying, or anxious, or panicking, or in the hospital...
I don't know anymore.

but I will just keep hope and pray for the rest of the day until I see her again...
and I am able to hope that she won't drop me... because today I am sure she will leave me alone the whole day, and you know what? it wasn't like this before February...
there is a reason why things have changed, but it is a secret I cannot mention. I am sorry.

anyway, I am going for now... I just hope this is not the final day of my life...

I just hope for the best...

...you know what I was listening to? Necrofantasia!!!

edit: post updated, because I really went crazy that I had to tone it down...